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Three Sparkling Tears [31 Dec 2010|04:39pm]

[ mood | memories ]

The night was dark, my mood even darker, thoughts of illusion and seduction running thought my mind. What lights, what music would I need to satisfy this need in me. The need to release the feelings of longing and loneliness, the need to hear your words full of tenderness and desire that touch my heart and soul. The hands that touch my skin so clear and real, are but a fantasy in my mind. But for the miles that separate us, you would be as real as the blood that flows though my veins or the air I breath.

As I sat in the dressing room preparing myself for the show to come, I've already chosen the music I need. The type of music that can take my hand, show me the way to rid myself of this lonely feeling. I'll wear my hair as always long and straight to the middle of my back, I'm feeling so dark an lonely tonight, that I'll wear my eye makeup dark, smoky with heavy black lashes, dark red lip stick. At the corner of my right eye, I'll wear a row of three small white rhinestones, to give the appearance of three sparkling tears, falling from my eye down my cheek. Just a slight dusting of fine glittering powder on my body, so as to give a shimmer to my skin under the lights.

I'll be wearing a small black g-string, with white rhinestones that run around over my hips to the back. My bra will be black backless, with only rhinestone straps that hold each cup, running over my shoulders and under each arm, I'll have a full circle sheer black panel that attaches to the back of my g-string,that I'll use by lifting one corner of the sheer panel, during spins or turns as the music tells me.

I'll wear a tight black, straight dress split high up the front, with three rows of flamenco style ruffles around the bottom and a pair of black strapless high heels. No jewelry except a pair of long drop, white rhinestone earrings. Lastly a large deep purple, almost black feather boa that I'll wear as I enter, letting it fall to the floor till I need it when I'm wearing only my earrings, g-string, heels and that feather boa. Well... I guess I'm about as ready as I'm going to be... It's show time.

I hear my music begin to play, the song...Invisible Tattoo.... I walk out on the stage, boa draped low around my back with the ends hanging loosely over each arm in front of me. I stand there long enough for the people to stop talking, turn and look at me. When I know I have their full attention, I raise one arm holding the edge of my feather boa and begin my slow seductive walk around the stage to the music, always watching the eyes. Letting the image as well as the music begin to work it's magic, the magic is more for me tonight, than the audience.

The sound of the music loud the way I like it, helps take my mind off the faces at the edge of the stage. The eyes that watch, the thoughts behind those eyes that I don't care to know. Some I can see being caught up in the fantasy, the music and me. As I begin to work my way though the music, with each piece of costume I remove with each song, I can feel my mood beginning to change. I am Delila... the drug these men and women, have come for.

Towards the end of my show I notice a man sitting alone in the back corner, as I try to see beyond the lights in my eyes, I recognize your face like so many times before, like you'd never been away. I'm so glad to see you, that all else disappears around me,except for your face there watching me, I wish I'd known you were coming..

When my last song ends I leave the stage wearing my heels and g-string, I walk down the stairs though the rows of tables and people, back to where you're sitting. I stand before you looking into your eyes, lean forward close to you and take your hand bring it to my lips and kiss your palm, then put it to my cheek where the three sparkling tears are, as I say to you... I think these belong to you, I don't need them now... you're here.

Dreamer [31 Dec 2010|11:35am]

[ mood | memories ]

As an only child I grew up living my life on the edge of a dream…

A dream in which I was the only player…

Many nights and hours have I spent playing at fantasy…

A fantasy where I could be anyone or anything I wanted to be…

When you play alone, that’s how it must be…

When you’re a dreamer and player of fantasy….

Fantasy is as close to me as the turn of my head…

Or the blink of my eye and I’m there….

Easy as changing the cloths I wear or the songs I play….

When you play for an audience of one…

You are always the star….


1 comment|post comment

Good Evening Darkness [27 Dec 2010|07:07am]

[ mood | Fantasy ]

Good Evening… Darkness

Where have you been?

I watched you as you slipped down the hill, though the trees…..

Pulling your veil of darkness in one hand and mystery in the other….

What have you brought me tonight?

Sounds of crickets and mouse feet, treasures to lay my masters feet …

Come… sit with my person by the light of the moon…

While I chase moon beams across the yard in the dark…..

Together we’ll watch the stars come out to play in the darkness…

Like dancers to the music that the stars play in the night sky…

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To The Soul Reader [07 Sep 2010|08:20pm]

The trees sing a melody I won't soon forget.
And your eyes say everything I wanted to hear.
But there's so many reasons why I won't tell you what I'm really thinking.

I'm sure you already know.

You already know
I fall deeper with every metaphor you utter.
You already know
my heart beats faster when my eyes line up with yours.
You already know
that the touch of your hand, given out in help,
sparks a whirlwind of emotions within me.

I want to know the meaning
behind every glance you throw my way.
All your "interesting's" and "in due time's"
drive me insane with the desire to discover
every inch of your soul.

You fascinate me,
and confuse me.
There's such a sense of wonder whenever I'm around you,
like the world could be anything I want it to be.
Around you,
there's nothing else but the moment.
It's like we only exist in some make believe place
that only we can get to.

Whenever we're together, we drift into our own world,
and I'm always so hesitant to return to reality.
Because, in reality, we don't exist.
We're nothing.
No songs from mother nature,
no metaphoric truths.
No hurricane of emotions,
or adventures of discovery.

The real world;
a place where we could never be.
There's so many reasons why we can't,
and, in turn, so many reasons why I can't
tell you what I'm really thinking.
1 comment|post comment

Tell Me [31 Aug 2010|09:59pm]

The way you look at me.
The way you laugh at my jokes
that aren't funny.
Has it really been
a whole summer?
It feels like I never left your side.

Is it bad
that I want
to wrap myself up in you?
To feel
your warmth around me?
You joke
about your guns,
would they make me feel safe?
We go back and forth,
words rolling off tongues
without the slightest hesitation,
like the
pitter-patter of
two hearts
beating as one.
Tell me
you don’t feel it.

I’ll never let on
to my desires.
I joke,
but do you know I’m not joking?
You must.
You joke,
but do I know you’re not joking?
I don’t.
Maybe one day
we won’t joke anymore,
but in the best sense of the lacking.

Somewhere between
the laughter, smiles,
hugs, shoving,
poking, and flirting
lay the desire
for something a little
But it’s so unclear
to know whose heart is wishing.
I can’t hear my thoughts
over the pounding
of my heart…or is that yours?

I grab your hand
for stability,
but temporary always has its end.
I’d rather go on my own anyway,
but I would have fallen
without you there.
And even the tiny
touch of skin sparked.
Tell me you didn’t feel it.

I’m afraid
I've already given too much away.
Is it written
all over my face?
Tell me you don’t see it.
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Crumble [12 Aug 2010|02:50am]

I'm not sure why I feel this way about you; perhaps its because of these dreams I have about you. But I will ironically be the last to know that you love me. And sadly without you I don't feel whole and I wonder why. Can you honestly tell me we shouldn't try this together? My tears have turned the tides, can you tell? Love is a funny thing and yet one more often than not wishes for it to be over. And the funny thing is this world is another mans dream and was never for me. I am the greates thinker you may ever meet. But many could care less due to their dreamworld reality. And could I forget the country from which I get my bumpkin rootes? Just like a childish disease this greed makes my mind want to use my hands to bring love to life. And yet these days go by and still I think about all of the words you said to me when I was at my worst. Days and days seem to go by and still I think about you. Repetition, repetition, repetition without you my dear. But this is it can you hear me? Can you hear the stars come out like I do? And when you've lost everything you can lose I would've offered all of mine. The storm makes me believe that I can be almost anything if I just believe. Nothing is ever as it seems so why should I stop believing?
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prisoner of the past and a prisoner [05 Nov 2009|01:01pm]

Prisoner of the past
Closing and locking the door
thinking that i am alone
and sitting on a single stone

How to face my tommorow
if i am a prisoner
how to be free from sorrow
not even getting lighter

i want to be free and spree
from a dark and hidden cage
made by skilled hands of thee
my heart wants your name to page

i am so tired to cry
my eyes wants to see a light
my heart wants to die
but my mind wants to fight and fight

I am a prisoner
they call me a loser
in their eyes i am a sinner
though i can be better
a good man sooner
somedaythey will hail me as a winner.
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verdict [05 Nov 2009|01:01pm]

in every game there is a winner
in every competition theere is a loser
it's just a fact that everyone is a player
a beginner that will be a winner sooner

in every story there is an end
in every road there is a bend
in every downfall there is a friend
a memorable time to spend

in every happines is a secret sadness
in every smile is a hidden loneliness
in every laughs is a pail of tears
behind the mask of courage is a face full of fears

you are the reason of my "every's"
i'm still in pain though you say your sorries
its true that my VERDICT
lies on the veil of your YES
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behind the bars [05 Nov 2009|01:01pm]

behind the bars
walking and searching
running and hidding
i live in the dark
not even getting lighter
this is me
my life is a waste
my future is a trash
a mistake to be a human
what happened
an empty brain ,stone heart
an immoral soul
and now i am a prisoer
too shy to be a sinner
still im a believer
that ill change for the better
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walang iwanan at iwas [05 Nov 2009|01:00pm]

walang iwanan
minsan may pangakong binitawan
kahit kailan daw ay walang iwanan
pero parang ang hirap paniwalan
dahil napakalayo sa katotohanan
natuto akong maging palaban
at huwag basta basta maapakan
sa pangakong walang iwanan
sus! hindi ko na paniniwalaan.

hindi ko malaman
kung ano ba ang nararamdaman
damdamin ko sa iyoy di ko maunawaan
bakit nga ba ako'y naguguluhan
at damdamin sa iyo'y pilit iniiwasan
pero kahit anog gawin para maiwasan
hindi ko pa rin matakbuhan
ang damdaming ito sa iyo'y iniaalay
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saying goodbye [05 Nov 2009|01:00pm]

it is hard to choose words on saying goodbye.no words can ease the pain brought by the sensation of goodbye.no words can hide the sorrow of goodbye. but wjy there is good in the word goobye?why dont we just use bye instead of goodbye?;( is it a simple way of saying that there is good in saying goodbye?
there is a surprise in every ending?
there is a new beginning behind the old beginning?
still there's a doubt within myself. i keep on cryong whenever i hear someone saying goodbye. no one feels happy whener encountering the door of  goodbye. how can i live in a world full of goodbyes? but as time goes on i realized something. GOODBYE MEANS FOREVER GOODBYE  MEANS  NOT  SEEING  YOUR  LOVED ONES  FOREVER
I wish that word never exists in our life , in our world. but as i stare onthat word i believe that there is happiness in every goodbyes.
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my poems [26 Jul 2009|06:05pm]

my senses
standing alone along the road
walking for a hundred miles
counting a million times
looking for someone
can it be you?
hearing the tick tack of my watch
as the soundtrack on the patch
feel the every beat of my heart
as i close my eyes in each day

every glimpse of my eye
li'l step of my foot
sounds that my ears hear
i know my senses will lead me to you

Genz keeps on asking
keeps on searching
why do i need to msuffer
only love i offer

genz keeps on telling
keeps on finding
what's his reason
the change of reason

genz keeps on crying keeps on shouting
that i am in vein
can not get out the pain

genz keeps on walking
keeps on loving
the reason of my hurting
my tears are keep on falling

genz keeps on hoping
keeps on wishing
that firsts love will go away
and true love will stay

Wish upon a star

dark night
twilight sight

shinny star
but its too far
one wish
i cherish

i do

love you

mahirap manindigan
lalo na kapag ang puso ang kalaban
kahit gaano ka kagaling mangatwiran
isa ka pa ring talunan
pagkat dito nakasasalalay iyong nararamdaman

kahit gaano mo siya gustong kalimutan
kahit na gusto mo siyang talikdan
kahit nais mo siyang iwanan
di mo magawa sapagkat siya ang kaligayahan

ang iba'y di ka maintindihan
sa iyong patuloy na paglaban
kahit na walang patutunguhan
at sa huli'y iyong iiyakan

hindi kasi nila alam
kung ano ang iyong pinagdadaanan
kaya lagi kang hinuhusgahan
na dahilan para ika'y mahirapan

minahal mo siya ng totoo
hindi mo ito nilalaro
lalo na't hindi ka nagbibiro
pagkat puso mo'y seryoso

mahirap tanggapin ang mapait na katotohanan
na hindi lahat ng kwento'y nauuwi sa kasiyahan
may ibang nahantong sa mapait na kalagayan
ang iba'y nanatiling katanungan

mahirap mahalin ang taong di sa iyo
mo siyang sinusulyapan sa malayo
pagkat nararamdaman mo'y pilit na itinatago
ayaw mong malaman niya ito

lihim m,o siyang minamahal
kaya't lihim ka ring nasasaktan
pinili mong maging hangal
pinili mo ring maging talunan

ano pa bang magagawa ko
kung iyon ang nais ng puso mo
sino ba naman ako sa buhay mo
isang hamak na estranghero lang naman na napadaan
at naaksidenteng ikaw ay aking minahal..

Saturday, 25 July, 2009
11:28:52 AM

someday someone will love me
the way i love you
someday this rain of tears will be an ocean of smile
someday i am going to be happy witout your shadow
someday someone will make me happy
someday someone will weep my tears
someday i am going to  sit beside him
someday i will have a path of two
a journey for lovers
someday i am going to be a princess
princess on my own fairytale
someday someone will be there for me
someone who will love ,e
someone that i can hold on to
someone that will miss me the way i missed you
someone that will do everything for me
someone that will care for me
someone that will not HURT ME THE WAY YOU DID

that someday?
because i am tired of hoping that

you could
be my SOMEONE.

my MAN

once i wish to have my man
a man that will protect me in danger
a man that will climb me in tha trees
just show how romantic love is
a man that will go to my house just to greet my parents and drive me in school
a man that will put his arms on my shoulder
a man that will stare at me and give me the sweetest smile ever
a man that will hold my hand and watch me sleeping
a man that will put my feet over his feet just to give me the perfect dance in my life

How long should i wait for your sweet "yes"
how long should i care for your everlasting love
how long should i cry for you to come back
how long should i hope for you in disguise

so many questions
but the answers are limited
it can not be answered
not me..not her..not him
but you
only you

how long should you play my heart
how long should you be a heartbreaker
a tear causer.hope grinder,care waster
love rejector,heart tearer,
tell me
because i am ready to be a toy
for a player
and that is you.

for once i wish to be his princess
dreamed to be his destiny
fantasized to be his wife
prayed to be his bride

for once i want to be the reason of his smlies
the reason why he studies hard
the why of his inspiration
the reason of his every why's

for once i like to be his first and last dance
his first and last girl
his first and last inspiration
his first and last love

i want to happen those things even for once
and that for once will be my forever at once.
btw i am genina
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[24 Jul 2009|08:46pm]

Thinking that i am always alone
walking on my own
stepping on a single stone
singing in a sad tone

what a sad life i have
there's no one that can save
what challenge destiny gave
can i get out from this cave

after sometimes, finally you came
your standing and holding a flame
i feel the spirit of fame
and love stays the same

and now my life becomes a journey
a journey for two and i became corny
my dark period turned shiny
for me your like a genie

your like a wish
that happens in a swish
my forever's wish
my one and only wish

thinking only you
walking on a path for two
stepping on a single stone with you
singing in a tone of two.

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So im new to this, [22 Jun 2009|03:07pm]

[ mood | blank ]

Im new to this but I do have a poem I want to submit. Its kinda old, I would also like some feedback. Thanks. I have no title though. Im not that great with names lol. So heres my unwritten poem by Ambar P.

Lift me from the bones scattered.
Brought up by a puppet string.
Let not there limbs feel my glowing skin.
They will snatch my light.
Ripped and crumbled,
what will be left of me?
Blood of life will trickle from these minor cuts,
piecing my story of shame together.
Control the nerves of love.
Permanently seal your promises in my heart.
Leave precious marks of reminders.
Wrapped in this wing of flowing strength.
Gripping tears encircle a face of loneliness.
Catch my whispers of cold air,
my utterances no one believes.
Can you hear me?
Every word I speak?
Fogged vision, crystalized eyes.
Heart set a blaze.
Does she only allow dreams?
Is that all she hears?
Only way to speak to her.
Words brush a gentle face.
They continue to flow.
Few penetrate.
Memories have blurred.
Nothing has been remembered.
Steps become crucial.
Next breath, next thought, another decision.

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[22 Jun 2009|10:24am]
 was wondering if there is  anyone willing to help with critiquing for a portfolio I am putting together. Any suggestions would be a major help. 
message on lj <3 or comment

much love
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I could sigh into your heart and say "I hope I'm here forever..." [23 Sep 2008|09:11pm]

[ mood | blank ]

Wrote this last night...it's the first time I post a poem in this community.
The title is from an Okkervil River song I'm absolutely fascinated by, called "Another Radio Song". That line just gives me chills, and it spurred what I wrote.
I'm not a big fan of structure, so it's very loose, and it's a tad bit on the long side, but you know how it is...when you feel done, you finish.

Feedback is appreciated :)

I could sigh into your heart and say 'I hope I'm here forever.'Collapse )

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[23 Sep 2008|11:52am]



Picture courtesy of  pickdoodle.com



Nick Carlton

I am bound, by your love, by your passion,
By everything you are...
I am bound, by your touch, your eyes,
By the way you look at me...

I am bound, by the feel of you, by your
Scent, your taste...
I am bound, by your strength,
By your weakness...


Read more...Collapse )
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[23 Sep 2008|11:51am]


My Knight Awaits

Picture courtesy of Liv Elin Eriksen deviantart

Today I face a battle against a foe I cannot see nor hear and yet, as I stand alone on the parapet that looks out across the pre-dawn land, instinctively I know my knight is there...

I may not see him in the cold, thick mist,  nor hear the sound of hoof beats thundering from his black charger, but he is there, waiting, watching, ready for anything if need be...

Tis courage that I need, and courage that he offers, tis strength that I might seek, then it is his strength I can tap into should dark rainclouds gather overhead...

Read more...Collapse )
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hey guys - check this [17 Sep 2008|07:50pm]

I've started a new story journal - based on my life.

It's name is "The life and times of Action Wolfe", and if I get enough interest i will keep adding my stories in.

Its the top Entry on my Journal Page.

Thanx all - give it a gizzy, you may like it.

(Its kind of a literary journalistic look at me life.)
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Is It Me?? [30 Jul 2008|08:27pm]

Is it "bad luck" that people would say,
If every guy that I would like to hang around with,
Be so busy all the time?
I'm not being desperate,
I just want to talk to them.
I can't help it, I'm a woman I want to talk.
Am I merely a thing to them?
Is there something wrong with me?
Why doesn't he talk to me? Didn't he like me before?
 Am I the girl that good guys are always too busy for?

What am I worth?
Do I express romance too much?
Do I scare potential suitors off? 
Why would anyone be afraid of me?
I'm afraid of my feelings, they're too strong.
The vibe from them is so powerful, they can feel it to the fullest extent.

I must be very scary, or are they cowards?
I'm not rushing, what is going on?
My heart is sad. No guy could ever need me.
"You're lovely," "You're beautiful," I hear.
If I am, why am I so lonely? Why can't a guy talk to me?
A guy who is fun and thoughful...why are they too busy?
Is it because I was born at the wrong time? 
That I was born a month premature because I was a big baby?

I want to talk to one, but I don't want to seem needy.
Maybe it's my color,
"Don't be ridiculous!" My soul says. It seems to be true.

How am I going to go on with my life without...

worrying if a guy is interested in me or find me interesting....

and start the same path all over again.....

is it really me??

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